What are the odds.....putting a new face on fear

I am tired of being swayed by fear. I hesitate to do things because of fear.  It's as though fear has become a habit that happens first when life is played out.  I want to put a new face on my fears.

Before I can do that, I have to put my fears in perspective.

For example, the odds of having my identity stolen are 200 to 1.  That means that I have 1 chance in 200 of someone stealing my identity.  Somehow, I have come to see most statistics from the perspective of the biggest fear.  I tend to think, 'oh no, I have a 200 to 1 chance of this, how horrible' instead of realizing that 1 out of 200 really isn't that big a risk.

Did you know that the odds of striking it rich on Antiques Roadshow are 60,000 to 1?  I actually have a better chance at bowling a 300 game because those odds are only 11,500 to 1.

My chances of getting the flu this year are 1 in 10.  But that also means my chances of NOT getting the flu are 9 in 10.

My chances of finding out my child is a genius are 1 out of 250.  (oops, wait, I beat those odds 3 times....nevermind..)  ;^)

My chance of dying from a shark attack is 1 out of 300,000,000!  However, if you've ever seen Jaws, chances are good that you wonder if it's really safe to swim in the ocean.

I understand that I need to be careful even if the odds are in my favor.  It's not caution that I struggle with, it's fear.  I let the fear of what could happen strangle the joy of the moment.

I'd like to find something to blame that mindset on, like advertising or the media.  But I think it's actually more simple than that.  I think it's human nature.  I think we naturally tend to fear because we can't control.  I think human nature makes us think that we will be that 1 out of 10 or that 1 out of 300,000,000.

So, am I doomed to let fear be my driving force?  Thankfully, no.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the Bible uses the phrase "do not fear" a lot!  If I truly believe there is a God (and I do) and I truly believe He loves me (and I do), then it's up to me to make the choice to not let fear be a driving force.

I can't control the circumstances but I can control how I respond.  I can't control the chances, but I can control my perspective.

So, instead of being afraid of my nightgown catching fire and burning me to death, I will instead be glad that I have a greater risk of being eaten by a California mountain lion.

And then God showed up...

It's been a long couple of years for Kevin and me.  We're still grieving over big losses from last year.  One of the adjustments we're having to make is regarding insurance.  Kevin's new job offers insurance to him but the cost of adding me is pretty astronomical.  

We sat down and looked at the whole picture and came to the conclusion that we will go without insurance and pay as we go.  I figured I've had most nonessential stuff already removed so we'll be good to go for a while.  yeah, right...  Last week, I realized that I have developed a blind spot in my center of vision.   When I look at someone's face with my right eye, the person has no nose and a unibrow!  It's scary to have your vision change so drastically like that.

My regular optometrist referred me to an opthamologist here in town.

I called......and then God showed up.....

The woman who answered the phone was so kind and gracious.  She put me at ease and set me up for an appointment that very day.   

...and then God showed up....

I got to the office and found that the kind woman who scheduled me also knew me!  She went that extra mile to make me feel comfortable.  The staff was kind and peaceful and so reassuring.

...and then God showed up....

The doctor introduced himself and I realized that his daughter was in our youth group last year!  I think a lot of her and enjoyed her and it was a nice connection to make.  The appointment showed that there was something there that a specialist needs to look at.

...and then God showed up....

The staff was so gracious.  Because we don't have insurance, we pay up front, in full.  I was given a discount for that and then another designated discount.  Then they called the specialist for me and got me in a day later.

The specialist was very nice also.  He checked and did another test and then spent some time talking with me.  The short version is that I have a hole forming at the back of my eye that creates a blind spot.  There is a chance it could go away, there is a chance it could get worse, there's a chance it will simply stay the same for a long time.  I will have to give up close work, like cross stitching and I will need to make my fonts larger, but we'll wait to see if things change before making any decision.

....and then God showed up....

I went to check out and I was told that there was no charge!  No charge for the testing, no charge for the eye dilation, no charge for the office visit with the doctor!  They gave me no reason, just sweet smiles.

....God knew how scared I was.  God knew how emotionally tired I was.  God knew I was so afraid of the costs.  God knew Kevin was worried about it all too.  And so God showed up to remind me that He already knows, He's gone before me, nothing surprises Him and He will encourage me when I look for him.

Today was a sweet day when God showed up.

Your name is engraved....

I have this really cool bracelet that I wear all the time.  And I mean all the time, 24/7.  I never take it off because I love it so much.  I had this bracelet made for me.  It's a simple silver link bracelet.  Each bar has the name of one of my grandchildren.  Added to the bracelet is a little gold square with a diamond inside.  That diamond is my original engagement diamond that Kevin gave me 37 years ago.  My original wedding set broke about 25 years ago but I cherish that diamond.  Each link is soldered together so that it's almost impossible to remove.

Whenever I feel the bracelet on my wrist, I think of my grandchildren.  Whenever I glance at my wrist, I am reminded of my grandchildren.  Whenever the light catches my diamond, I think of Kevin and our family.  It is my way of keeping my family close to my heart.

Grandson Ben is almost 3.  He loves my bracelet.  He loves to pretend to read the names. He knows where his name is located on the bracelet and he is always thrilled to see that his name is there whenever he looks for it.  He knows that his name is there because I love him and he never tires of hearing that.

I try to remember this on the days I wonder where God is.  Or the times that I think He's forgotten me.  Or when I am walking through a rough season in my life.  Or when a friend is hurting and I can't do anything to alleviate their pain.

Isaiah 49:16 says, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands"

I need to take a lesson from Ben.  He looks for his name on my bracelet and knows that I love him.  And each time he sees his name, he is thrilled.

I need to remember that God has engraved me on the palms of His hands.  I need to take the time to look when I wonder where God is and remember that He loves me.  My name isn't going anywhere.  It's there and I never tire of hearing that.

Guilt Givers/Guilt Takers

I think we can narrow down all people to 'guilt givers' and 'guilt takers'. Our perspective of life in general is skewed by whether we are prone to give or take guilt.

I confess that I am a Guilt Taker. I've spent most of my life feeling something is my fault. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, I will feel guilty. And from there, I can be manipulated by a Guilt Giver.

Guilt Givers have a difficult time apologizing but Guilt Takers apologize so much that it can drive people crazy. Somehow we manage to attract each other. I married a Guilt Giver. If the two become one, then we've done a good job of balancing each other. I can remind Kevin when he needs to apologize for something and he can remind me when I don't need to apologize for something.

We guilt takers know who we are. We're the ones those ads are geared toward. You know the ones, starving children, hurting animals, adopt a penguin.... anything with stirring music and someone who tells you that you could make a difference. Who thinks these up? The guilt givers! They know that we guilt takers are out there, just ready for one well aimed guilt attack to make us whip out our checkbooks to assuage our guilt. A guilt taker and a checkbook means that someone won and it wasn't the guilt taker.

Guilt givers don't see the problem. They simply tell us guilt takers not to take the guilt. It's so simple to a guilt giver. But to guilt takers, it's almost impossible.

Some days I feel as thought everywhere I turn, I am hit by guilt. I am so sorry for the animals at the humane society. I am so sorry that there are so many animals that need to be adopted. I feel guilty that I don't want anymore pets. I take good care of my pets and I have had them spayed and neutered and yet I still feel guilty. Because I have anything to feel guilty about? No, because I am a guilt taker!

I don't think I know how to feel badly about something without mixing it with guilt. A guilt giver would tell me that I'm being narcissistic. A guilt taker will understand.

Maybe we need to hit people harder these days with guilt because we've become de-sensitized to pain around us. Or maybe general selfishness keeps us from seeing needs and then trying to help. Some people need to be jolted into action and guilt can be that jolt.

I totally understand freedom in Christ and no longer carrying the guilt of sin. This is separate from that. This is just me recognizing how I can be manipulated and trying to keep a healthy distance from unhealthy guilt.

Anyone else a Guilt Giver or a Guilt Taker? Maybe I should just feel guilty for bringing the subject up.....