And then God showed up...

It's been a long couple of years for Kevin and me.  We're still grieving over big losses from last year.  One of the adjustments we're having to make is regarding insurance.  Kevin's new job offers insurance to him but the cost of adding me is pretty astronomical.  

We sat down and looked at the whole picture and came to the conclusion that we will go without insurance and pay as we go.  I figured I've had most nonessential stuff already removed so we'll be good to go for a while.  yeah, right...  Last week, I realized that I have developed a blind spot in my center of vision.   When I look at someone's face with my right eye, the person has no nose and a unibrow!  It's scary to have your vision change so drastically like that.

My regular optometrist referred me to an opthamologist here in town.

I called......and then God showed up.....

The woman who answered the phone was so kind and gracious.  She put me at ease and set me up for an appointment that very day.   

...and then God showed up....

I got to the office and found that the kind woman who scheduled me also knew me!  She went that extra mile to make me feel comfortable.  The staff was kind and peaceful and so reassuring.

...and then God showed up....

The doctor introduced himself and I realized that his daughter was in our youth group last year!  I think a lot of her and enjoyed her and it was a nice connection to make.  The appointment showed that there was something there that a specialist needs to look at.

...and then God showed up....

The staff was so gracious.  Because we don't have insurance, we pay up front, in full.  I was given a discount for that and then another designated discount.  Then they called the specialist for me and got me in a day later.

The specialist was very nice also.  He checked and did another test and then spent some time talking with me.  The short version is that I have a hole forming at the back of my eye that creates a blind spot.  There is a chance it could go away, there is a chance it could get worse, there's a chance it will simply stay the same for a long time.  I will have to give up close work, like cross stitching and I will need to make my fonts larger, but we'll wait to see if things change before making any decision.

....and then God showed up....

I went to check out and I was told that there was no charge!  No charge for the testing, no charge for the eye dilation, no charge for the office visit with the doctor!  They gave me no reason, just sweet smiles.

....God knew how scared I was.  God knew how emotionally tired I was.  God knew I was so afraid of the costs.  God knew Kevin was worried about it all too.  And so God showed up to remind me that He already knows, He's gone before me, nothing surprises Him and He will encourage me when I look for him.

Today was a sweet day when God showed up.

Your name is engraved....

I have this really cool bracelet that I wear all the time.  And I mean all the time, 24/7.  I never take it off because I love it so much.  I had this bracelet made for me.  It's a simple silver link bracelet.  Each bar has the name of one of my grandchildren.  Added to the bracelet is a little gold square with a diamond inside.  That diamond is my original engagement diamond that Kevin gave me 37 years ago.  My original wedding set broke about 25 years ago but I cherish that diamond.  Each link is soldered together so that it's almost impossible to remove.

Whenever I feel the bracelet on my wrist, I think of my grandchildren.  Whenever I glance at my wrist, I am reminded of my grandchildren.  Whenever the light catches my diamond, I think of Kevin and our family.  It is my way of keeping my family close to my heart.

Grandson Ben is almost 3.  He loves my bracelet.  He loves to pretend to read the names. He knows where his name is located on the bracelet and he is always thrilled to see that his name is there whenever he looks for it.  He knows that his name is there because I love him and he never tires of hearing that.

I try to remember this on the days I wonder where God is.  Or the times that I think He's forgotten me.  Or when I am walking through a rough season in my life.  Or when a friend is hurting and I can't do anything to alleviate their pain.

Isaiah 49:16 says, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands"

I need to take a lesson from Ben.  He looks for his name on my bracelet and knows that I love him.  And each time he sees his name, he is thrilled.

I need to remember that God has engraved me on the palms of His hands.  I need to take the time to look when I wonder where God is and remember that He loves me.  My name isn't going anywhere.  It's there and I never tire of hearing that.

Guilt Givers/Guilt Takers

I think we can narrow down all people to 'guilt givers' and 'guilt takers'. Our perspective of life in general is skewed by whether we are prone to give or take guilt.

I confess that I am a Guilt Taker. I've spent most of my life feeling something is my fault. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, I will feel guilty. And from there, I can be manipulated by a Guilt Giver.

Guilt Givers have a difficult time apologizing but Guilt Takers apologize so much that it can drive people crazy. Somehow we manage to attract each other. I married a Guilt Giver. If the two become one, then we've done a good job of balancing each other. I can remind Kevin when he needs to apologize for something and he can remind me when I don't need to apologize for something.

We guilt takers know who we are. We're the ones those ads are geared toward. You know the ones, starving children, hurting animals, adopt a penguin.... anything with stirring music and someone who tells you that you could make a difference. Who thinks these up? The guilt givers! They know that we guilt takers are out there, just ready for one well aimed guilt attack to make us whip out our checkbooks to assuage our guilt. A guilt taker and a checkbook means that someone won and it wasn't the guilt taker.

Guilt givers don't see the problem. They simply tell us guilt takers not to take the guilt. It's so simple to a guilt giver. But to guilt takers, it's almost impossible.

Some days I feel as thought everywhere I turn, I am hit by guilt. I am so sorry for the animals at the humane society. I am so sorry that there are so many animals that need to be adopted. I feel guilty that I don't want anymore pets. I take good care of my pets and I have had them spayed and neutered and yet I still feel guilty. Because I have anything to feel guilty about? No, because I am a guilt taker!

I don't think I know how to feel badly about something without mixing it with guilt. A guilt giver would tell me that I'm being narcissistic. A guilt taker will understand.

Maybe we need to hit people harder these days with guilt because we've become de-sensitized to pain around us. Or maybe general selfishness keeps us from seeing needs and then trying to help. Some people need to be jolted into action and guilt can be that jolt.

I totally understand freedom in Christ and no longer carrying the guilt of sin. This is separate from that. This is just me recognizing how I can be manipulated and trying to keep a healthy distance from unhealthy guilt.

Anyone else a Guilt Giver or a Guilt Taker? Maybe I should just feel guilty for bringing the subject up.....

I'm not making this up!

I love work weekends with junior high kids because they always promise to be full of great stories to tell later. I also love Pine Cove Camp because it gives us the opportunity to get away with our teens, give them a chance to serve and a chance for all of us to enjoy being together for the weekend.

I've been taking jr hi kids to their Towers camp for many, many years. I can find my way there in the dark. However, I only know how to get there, I don't know what roads I take to do that. That probably explains why there were no cars following me by the time I turned onto that dark county road. Towers is in the woods that are really, really dark at night.

I had a van full of girls and we went straight to the staff cabin. Our stuff was in the other cars who were finding their way to the camp after getting real directions. So the girls and I went into the cabin to check out where we'd be staying. While we were waiting for the other cars, it started to rain. No, that's not right. It started to pour. No, that's not right. It started to come down in buckets! Because of the drought here in Texas, the water soaks quickly into the ground.

I got a call from, Jake, the guy in charge of the weekend. Jake said we needed to meet him at the kitchen and the other cars were driving straight there. Because of the deluge, I told the girls that I would drive us over to the kitchen so we wouldn't get soaked going to the kitchen. We all ran to the van and piled in.

The van was parked in the opposite direction of the kitchen. No problem. I just had to make a wider turn on the road. No problem. I've been on these road for years. There was just sand and pine needles alongside the pavement.

Well, except for the rain that made the sand really soft and the fact that there was a stump alongside the pavement. The stump was covered by the pine needles and I never saw it. I would have never even noticed it, except for that thump followed by the spinning of wheels.

No problem. I would just put the van in reverse. No problem. Except that the van wasn't going anywhere. I pressed the gas and a notice starting flashing on the dashboard, "Tires Spinning"! Even the van realized it was stuck. So all the junior high girls piled out of the van in the rain and started pushing. First they pushed from the front while I put the van in reverse. Then they pushed from the back while I put the car in drive. No doubt about it, the van was stuck and we were wet. So we all walked over the the kitchen and were very thankful that the rain had slowed to a simple downpour. I told Jake about my stuck van and he told me the maintenance guys could rescue me the next day.

The weekend was a great weekend, as usual. The kids worked hard and played hard as the weather permitted. The next afternoon Jake and the maintenance guy showed up in the really big pickup to pull the van off the stump. It was nerve racking for me as they attached the chain to the van. (Did I mention that I was borrowing this van from Jaime and Slade?) In my mind, I was imagining how to nicely explain that the fender fell off while pulling the van off a stump. I didn't have to worry about that scenario because the van didn't go anywhere. This really big pickup just spun its wheels while trying to pull the van off that stump. It turned out that the van's frame was on the stump and the soft, wet sand had given way enough that it was hung up on the stump and wasn't going anywhere.

The next day the rain eased to a wet drizzle. The maintenance guy and Jake returned to the van to try to finally free it. They came well equipped with jacks and a secret weapon. You will know that I live deep in Redneck territory when you read this. I love Redneck ingenuity!

First, they guys used the jacks on each side of the van and raised the van out of all that soft sand. Then, and I'm not making this up, they got out their secret weapson. They brought out a chainsaw and in true Texas fashion, they went to work sawing that stump! Redneck ingenuity at its finest - lower the stump so the wheels and frame can clear it! And it worked!

Great weekend, great people, great stories. This will always be remembered as the time the chainsaw rescued the van.