Guilt Givers/Guilt Takers

I think we can narrow down all people to 'guilt givers' and 'guilt takers'. Our perspective of life in general is skewed by whether we are prone to give or take guilt.

I confess that I am a Guilt Taker. I've spent most of my life feeling something is my fault. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, I will feel guilty. And from there, I can be manipulated by a Guilt Giver.

Guilt Givers have a difficult time apologizing but Guilt Takers apologize so much that it can drive people crazy. Somehow we manage to attract each other. I married a Guilt Giver. If the two become one, then we've done a good job of balancing each other. I can remind Kevin when he needs to apologize for something and he can remind me when I don't need to apologize for something.

We guilt takers know who we are. We're the ones those ads are geared toward. You know the ones, starving children, hurting animals, adopt a penguin.... anything with stirring music and someone who tells you that you could make a difference. Who thinks these up? The guilt givers! They know that we guilt takers are out there, just ready for one well aimed guilt attack to make us whip out our checkbooks to assuage our guilt. A guilt taker and a checkbook means that someone won and it wasn't the guilt taker.

Guilt givers don't see the problem. They simply tell us guilt takers not to take the guilt. It's so simple to a guilt giver. But to guilt takers, it's almost impossible.

Some days I feel as thought everywhere I turn, I am hit by guilt. I am so sorry for the animals at the humane society. I am so sorry that there are so many animals that need to be adopted. I feel guilty that I don't want anymore pets. I take good care of my pets and I have had them spayed and neutered and yet I still feel guilty. Because I have anything to feel guilty about? No, because I am a guilt taker!

I don't think I know how to feel badly about something without mixing it with guilt. A guilt giver would tell me that I'm being narcissistic. A guilt taker will understand.

Maybe we need to hit people harder these days with guilt because we've become de-sensitized to pain around us. Or maybe general selfishness keeps us from seeing needs and then trying to help. Some people need to be jolted into action and guilt can be that jolt.

I totally understand freedom in Christ and no longer carrying the guilt of sin. This is separate from that. This is just me recognizing how I can be manipulated and trying to keep a healthy distance from unhealthy guilt.

Anyone else a Guilt Giver or a Guilt Taker? Maybe I should just feel guilty for bringing the subject up.....

I'm not making this up!

I love work weekends with junior high kids because they always promise to be full of great stories to tell later. I also love Pine Cove Camp because it gives us the opportunity to get away with our teens, give them a chance to serve and a chance for all of us to enjoy being together for the weekend.

I've been taking jr hi kids to their Towers camp for many, many years. I can find my way there in the dark. However, I only know how to get there, I don't know what roads I take to do that. That probably explains why there were no cars following me by the time I turned onto that dark county road. Towers is in the woods that are really, really dark at night.

I had a van full of girls and we went straight to the staff cabin. Our stuff was in the other cars who were finding their way to the camp after getting real directions. So the girls and I went into the cabin to check out where we'd be staying. While we were waiting for the other cars, it started to rain. No, that's not right. It started to pour. No, that's not right. It started to come down in buckets! Because of the drought here in Texas, the water soaks quickly into the ground.

I got a call from, Jake, the guy in charge of the weekend. Jake said we needed to meet him at the kitchen and the other cars were driving straight there. Because of the deluge, I told the girls that I would drive us over to the kitchen so we wouldn't get soaked going to the kitchen. We all ran to the van and piled in.

The van was parked in the opposite direction of the kitchen. No problem. I just had to make a wider turn on the road. No problem. I've been on these road for years. There was just sand and pine needles alongside the pavement.

Well, except for the rain that made the sand really soft and the fact that there was a stump alongside the pavement. The stump was covered by the pine needles and I never saw it. I would have never even noticed it, except for that thump followed by the spinning of wheels.

No problem. I would just put the van in reverse. No problem. Except that the van wasn't going anywhere. I pressed the gas and a notice starting flashing on the dashboard, "Tires Spinning"! Even the van realized it was stuck. So all the junior high girls piled out of the van in the rain and started pushing. First they pushed from the front while I put the van in reverse. Then they pushed from the back while I put the car in drive. No doubt about it, the van was stuck and we were wet. So we all walked over the the kitchen and were very thankful that the rain had slowed to a simple downpour. I told Jake about my stuck van and he told me the maintenance guys could rescue me the next day.

The weekend was a great weekend, as usual. The kids worked hard and played hard as the weather permitted. The next afternoon Jake and the maintenance guy showed up in the really big pickup to pull the van off the stump. It was nerve racking for me as they attached the chain to the van. (Did I mention that I was borrowing this van from Jaime and Slade?) In my mind, I was imagining how to nicely explain that the fender fell off while pulling the van off a stump. I didn't have to worry about that scenario because the van didn't go anywhere. This really big pickup just spun its wheels while trying to pull the van off that stump. It turned out that the van's frame was on the stump and the soft, wet sand had given way enough that it was hung up on the stump and wasn't going anywhere.

The next day the rain eased to a wet drizzle. The maintenance guy and Jake returned to the van to try to finally free it. They came well equipped with jacks and a secret weapon. You will know that I live deep in Redneck territory when you read this. I love Redneck ingenuity!

First, they guys used the jacks on each side of the van and raised the van out of all that soft sand. Then, and I'm not making this up, they got out their secret weapson. They brought out a chainsaw and in true Texas fashion, they went to work sawing that stump! Redneck ingenuity at its finest - lower the stump so the wheels and frame can clear it! And it worked!

Great weekend, great people, great stories. This will always be remembered as the time the chainsaw rescued the van.

You have no idea.....

As I look back on my life, I realize more and more that I had no idea what was going to happen whenever I made a major decision in my life. My first real major decision was where I was going to college. I had no idea when I choose Central College in Pella, IA, that I would make lifelong friends who would become chosen family.

Kevin and I decided to get married and I had no idea how we were going to manage, a very young couple, no experience in living on our own, managing a budget. I had no idea how to shop, plan menus, even use a checkbook.

When Kevin and I decided to have a baby, I had no idea what labor would be like. Then I had no idea what birth would be like. Then I had no idea how to take care of a baby.

It all sounded so easy and it all seemed like it was something we could do without much trouble.

It was a theme of our life. We had no idea how to raise 3 daughters, no idea how we'd pay for braces, clothes, car insurance, lessons, etc, etc, etc.

I think if I'd been able to see ahead, it may have scared me too much to even attempt those things. If I'd seen ahead, I don't think I would have been brave enough to have 3 children so close in age. I would have been terrified to try to provide for them, it would have seen too daunting.

There is a lot of comfort that God is outside of time. He knows what's coming and even knows the end of the story. Knowing that helps me keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when I can't see around the next bend.

As I look back on last year, I'm glad that I had no idea what was ahead. Even though that year is now behind me, I'm still feeling as though I can only take one step at a time without becoming afraid.

There's a reason that we have no idea what lies ahead for each of us. It would scare us off and keep us from becoming who we're supposed to be. The best growth comes during the hardest times. That sounds so good but the truth is that I doubt I'd be willing to volunteer for the hardest times. I can only get through those times when I only see far enough along the path for the next step. Not for the next mile, or yards, just enough for the next step.

Taking the journey step by step keeps me close to the source of my light. And the things I don't see keep me from being too scared to keep walking.

Many times I've heard the comments, "You have no idea what it's like to raise kids....You have no idea how much your kids will break your heart.....You have no idea how difficult it is to truly let go of your kids.....You have no idea how hard it is to face that empty nest....." etc, etc. At the time, they were right, I truly had no idea what the journey would be like.

I will face these fears of the unknown until my death. However, my Father will be a 'lamp to guide my feet and a light to my path'. He will give me as much light as I need to see what is coming. Not too much to scare and overwhelm me and not too little so that I become proud.

Tomorrow, I have no idea what's coming. But God is just ahead of me. And that's enough. With that in mind, I can enjoy the journey and savor all the good stuff instead of worrying about things I haven't even gotten to yet.

I'm so glad I have Someone who loves me, who knows what's coming so I don't have to dread and fret. Instead, I can enjoy the journey, one step at a time.

10 Presents I Won't Be Buying this Christmas...

Every once in a while, it's good to see the strange things for sale out there. It makes it easier to focus on the real reason for the season!

So, here's a list of 10 things I promise not to buy anyone this year!

1) Doggie Doo Game.

Really? The winner is the one with 3 piles of poop on their scoop. Why would you buy this? Why would you play?

2) Dysfunctional Family Bingo.

Even if you know (or if you are) the perfect family to give this to, I think you are taking your live in your hands to give this as a gift!

3) Beanie, beard and moustache. All in purple.

No matter how much I don't like you, I won't be putting this under your tree. However, I guess it could be used as camouflage in a concord grape orchard.

4) Tongue Tattoo

Even if you're sure this is the perfect gift, you won't be getting this from me!

5) Moose Poop Earrings

Is this a theme this year? Sometimes I have to listen to enough of this that I sure don't want the real thing near my ears!

6) Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds Barbie

I'm not making this up! I laughed at the movie but not at this doll. Nightmares not included. (I hear folks are flocking to buy it!)

7) Fish Flipflops

I don't hate anyone enough to give them fish flipflops. Well, maybe a scaled down version....

8)

Smoking Mittens

Who comes up with these things? Wouldn't gloves be a whole lot simpler?

9) Dog Poo Calendar

All I'm going to say is that there is a reason the year is 2009 on this calendar.

10) Aquarium Toilet

This is probably payback for anyone who's ever had a fish funeral. Or fish hell.

I'm so glad my Christmas is about Jesus, the real reason for the season.